hard to believe, the long absences lately. but life is a funny thing- the more you plan, the more God laughs. i know.. i know.. old saying, and probably not the most respectful way to address it. but that’s me these days… a bit cynical.
i feel guilty for even saying that. on one level, ya know.. the sane part of my brain, knows how incredibly blessed i am. i know that i honestly have no right to complain. i am grateful for all of my blessings.. i PROMISE!! it’s just that, i am struggling to make sense of a lot of things going on in my life.. and those around me. i’ve been in my own head so much these days, it’s difficult to see past it. there are times i feel as if i might truly just snap!
i used to turn to this blog, in order to clear my head. spill my guts out in words. but i don’t feel the freedom to do that anymore. i find that i censor myself, for fear of hurting others. sigh.
guess the gist of it is.. i’m depressed. not really news, as i’ve only been on meds for about 12 years now..lol i’m doing my best to cope. but when things get really overwhelming.. the meds don’t have as great of affect. truth be told, not even meds can numb you to absolutely everything… dammit! but hey- at least i continue to think straight enough to keep from using other methods to numb myself. so there ya have it…. i’m still ‘officially’ sane. ;)
